amberhimura

Hey there peoples

Long time no talk. I have been busy over the last few days. Mainly with school work and FOOTBALL!

School has been tough the past few days really. Last week i had two test, one in Chemistry and one in Geography. So yeah, that is why i have not been able to write. Also, i am going through some shit as well. Mainly dealing with relationships. I have not been able to talk to my boyfriend, in forever. However no more than 10 minutes ago. He is with his mom, taking care of her. I was kinda worried, he did not want to talk to me anymore. However, when his with his mom, i forget that idea. He is worried about him mom. I would be too. I still love him though. It shows how sensitive side when it come to family. I Love him so much.

Tuesday was his and mine 1st year anniversary. I think everyone remembers how happy go lucky i was when i finally said yes to his answer earlier that day around like midnight. I miss him so much. I can't wait until i go up there to see him during thanksgiving. My mom is not too happy. She wants to see me before i come home for Christmas. I think i might of found a loophole. My friend Gery, is going down for my older sis's birthday. So i may be able to get to go home during that weekend. YEAH!

I went to Central vs. Toledo football game. FIRE UP CHIPS! We won. 21-17. We are tied for first in th MAC tournament. YEAH! We have to win one more game and we get to go to the playoffs. The last home game is this weekend. I can't wait. YEAH!

My brother, sister-in-law, and my lil niece are coming up next week. I can't wait. I really am looking forward to see my lil niece and my family. I love my lil niece to death. I have so many pictures of her, especially her first day of pre-school, ballet, and her night with my mom and dad. My dad has not lost his touch with lil kids on his shoulders. I remember when i was on his shoulders as a kid. It was so high. I remember i could see everything. I know how Kylie feels. lol. I can't wait to see her.

Tomorrow i have a Calculus test. have not studied and not really looking forward to it. I hate Calculus. lol. I think i might have to retake it next semester. Maybe...however, that will 17-18 credit hours anyways. lol.

Well i think i have bore you enought right..lol.

The world has turn to darkness and the world will never see light again
Dark Princess

I just don't get it anymore. I am so confused on what guys say. I am going to go crazy. I want to know why my guy has to give me mixed signals when it is coming to the relationship. I feel like he is avoiding me and does not want the relationship any more. I am worried, however, i have been thinking lately. I mean do i really want to deal with this anymore. I am so confused on all rounds. I mean why do I love him? I love him because he makes me happy, he is able to see me for who i am and not just a connector between a guys world and a girl world. He sees me for me, a way that no guy has ever seen me. Maybe except for 2 however, they left me or told me that basiclly i was not good enought. He talked me the yesturday and said that i have not actually dated. That i don't know if there is anyone else out there that can make me happy, just as him. I don't want to leave him, however, i can not help the fact that i feel like the relationship is hanging on a thread because of the distance and the fact that he is getting cold feet. Why do guys think that a girl is not good enough if they have never dated? My sister in law, Stacy, my brother was her first boyfriend. They ended up getting married and living together haveing a kid. Why can't he see that? I am loyal and truthful. I mean the idea of us breaking up is something that always brings tears to my eyes however, i am feeling that it is the best thing. I mean what can i offer him, my life, sex, or something else? I am so confused on this topic. My heart races everyday, thinking and knowning that the day will come when i will snape, and i will leave. I don't want that to happen. I mean i can not bare the thought anymore, however, what if i go over the edge? What if i can finally see the light of my ways, and maybe move on. Maybe going to another.

However, i dont want to. I can't. My heart urns for him and to always have him near. Even when i liked other guys, he was always in my mind. I can't take this anymore. I mean everything is getting stressfull and the idea of what is going on makes i more prominate everyday. Why can't he and I live together in peace? I don't want to quite school, however, i want to be with him. I mean when he goes into bootcamp. I miss him so much that it hurts. I mean, is that normal? Is it normal to urn someone that it hurts badly? I mean i miss another, but it does not hurt. However, they are a best friend. A guy..what is the difference. My best friend that is a guy is a person of strength and intelligence. He is a great friend. However, when i miss him, it doesn't hurt. However, when i miss my love, it hurts painfully. I can't bare it. Why can't we just be together without pain? Why all the suffering? Can't God give me some slack than making my life a living hell? Everything is going wrong. Just everything, my relationship, my life, my world, my family. I am trapt in this void that never ends. I am a person who always smiles, however, smiling is less prominant and i don't want to anymore. I want to frown and cry because everything is going wrong. I am going back into the state that i was in HS. No one loved me, i was on my own. No one was around. No one cared about me. They are only worried that i would be able to make the money. I mean, why doesn't anyone love me? Why am i trapt in this world of unending pain? Will this pain ever leave me be? Will i ever live a normal life? Will i ever get to live my life the way i want to?

Darkness is around the corner. Don't fear, it is good for you. It will not harm you. Let it conscum you. Let it take over your soul.
Dark Assassin

Hey there, what is up?

Today was a long day. I had 3 classes today. I had a lab first thing this morning. It was a long one. However lucky me, i am good a chemistry. However, this lab too forever. It is not like the labs in HS. However, these labs I get to play with fire. Which is wicked awesome. I love it.

However, yeah. I have my roommates wanting me to give blood. I am terrified of needles and i kinda can't right now. Personal problems. YOU KNOW WHAT they are girls. Anyways, i have a huge phobia of needles. I am not going to do it. I am scared. lol. My friend Doug is here in my room talking to me about giving blood and talking about me as a friend from the city. (Long story..don't want to talk about that.)

Yeah, memories are awesome. However, weirod, and creepy sometimes, but kool. lol

Honors today sucked. We were talking about civic engagement. How people need to get involved here at CMU. My professors suck..lol. I hate going to that class. However, it end next week. ONLY A HALF OF THE SEMESTER CLASS!!!!!!!!!!!!! YES!!!!! It is awesome. I hate writing the papers for that class. Oh well.

Doug is sitting here talking about all the stuff he did today. He had a very interesting day of sleeping, coming over to this room and sleeping.

Well i am going to go i will talk to ya laterz.

Darkness will come and everyone will bow down to it.
Amber Himura

Hey there again.

Well now i am doing homework. It sucks but hey someone has to do it and i have to get through college some how. It sucks, however, yeah. It is all honors work.

Well today i played pool. I met this kid today who totally freaked me out. It was crazy. He is my neighbor's girlfriend's son. His name is Ben. He is like a groupie, those guys that go around hangout with with rock bands. He reminded me so much of that. He is really shy too. It is crazy. I was the only really talking and trying to have a conversation. It freaked me out. I also saw my friend Gery today. He is kool. He has a crush on my older sister. He is sweet though. However, my family wants my older sis to go with this really kool guy Jeff (Eido is what we all call him). Eido is so freaking kool. He has a bike, a boat and owns a house. What 27 year old guy has all that plus money and would not want a girl like my sister. My sister turns him away because of his drinking habits. However, he will change only for her. However, how can he can if she keeps turning him away for a dope addict. It is sicking.

Anyways, Gery was going home today. I went and took a few things over to him to take to my mom and dad. Small stuff nothing big. We talked for a few and then he went on his way down to sterling heights. He has got it bad for my sister. lol.

Yeah. I think i should get back to my homework now. I have a lab tomorrow and a psyhic quiz, so i think i should start studing and working on a paper. ttyl

Darkness will consume all that are willing and all that resist.
Assassin

Yeah, hmm..
Sike. What is up? Nothing much today. I had two classes this morning and i am done thank god. Chemistry and Calculus. One right behind the other which sucks ass. Oh well. Anyways, yeah. I decided to make a LJ because of the fact that no one in my home town calls, writes, or im's me anymore. *growls* but it is kool. I know everyone is busy down there. So no biggy. I am not hurt. lol

Anyways, yeah. Central is awesome. I love it here. Away from shit that happens in detroit. lol. However, i still miss home. Shit, i would give anything for a home cooked meal. Cafeteria food, is starting to dry thin. As well as my bank account. My ass, needs to find a job, however, it is hard to find one because of the fact that yeah, WORK STUDY GETS EVERYTHING! Oh well. I am enjoying the free time though.

Yeah, my dorm room, is awesome. We all get along. which is good. i think. lol. We always have people over now. Guys from on our floor come and see us, sit and watch a movie, talk with us. It is awesome. If you look on my facebook, and good under my groups, we have our own group. I am know as the assassin, Holly is the evil mastermind (yeah right), Annie is the Secret Keeper, Jasmine is the Keeper of the shit list bitches, and Felicia is our unofficial roommate. She come down most of the time because she hates her room mates. I would to. They treat her like shit which i never right. You know.

Anyways, this week we actually had a bust on our floor. On of the rooms on our floor called the cops on one of their roommates for alchol and the room did not want that in their room, so yeah, the chick moved out and left. All of us on the floor were like WTF. I mean it is not everyday you see a cop on our floor. Come on. My floor is full of geeks, science nerds, and weirds. Get this, there are 13 meteorologists on our floor. It is awesome. I never knew there would bve so many you know. I am love it here.

My friend Gery is going back down to the metro area. He wanted to know if i would go down. I said no, because i won't be home until Christmas time. (Sorry guys). I am going up north for thanksgiving to spend it with thomas. I am trying to spend as much time with him as i can before he goes to bootcamp. Yes he is going into the army as for Jan 26. It sucks however, we are trying to became financially secure now, since neither one of us, wants to end up like out parents. I don't want to barrow anything. I am use to working for my own shit thank you. Anyways, yeah. So that is why i won't be home until Christmas. He is suppose to come down during then to, however, i dunno. We will see. He may want to spend christmas with his family because it all depends on if he gets leave time or not. I know what it is like in the military. HELLO OLDER BROTHER WAS IN IT FOR 11 YEARS! Yeah. I am kinda worried that he will get shipped out. However, i really don't want that. It will break my heart. I don't what i will do. However, i think what he would want me to do is worry about myself and getting through school making sure i am able to make myself useful and not in sorrow the whole entire time and not making any progress on my degree. I am kinda worried though. However, i know i will be able to handle it. I hope.

Well, i guess i bore you minds and probably they are burnt to a crisp right? well i will talk to you later

Death will consume all as the darkness will rise
Amber Himura